Revelations
by calladragon
Summary: The revelations that unfold in candid conversations.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer for entire piece: I own no rights to The Mentalist (Bruno Heller does) and I'm not getting paid for this story. No copyright infringements intended.

A/N: I'm not all that happy with the other two new stories at the moment so, until the real passion returns, I'm going to play here. We'll see what happens. ~Calla

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Putting my car in park and turning the key in the ignition, I sit back in my seat and stare at the long line of elegant townhouses before me. Jane lives in 4B right over there. I'm sure his Citroen is parked in his garage as it always is. It's certainly not in his parking place in front of his unit. The parking place I didn't take because I don't want him to know I'm coming. Not too many people know he bought this place not all that long after he got out of jail for killing Timothy Carter. It's a very nice complex. Jane has a good eye and the disposable income to indulge it. It doesn't hurt that it's not that far from the office either.

Sliding out of my vehicle, I grab my brief case, shut the door, click the lock, and stride across the parking lot to number 4B purposefully. Rapping firmly on the door in front of me, I wait for my quarry to answer. Yes, I knock. I don't ring the door bell for a reason. Jane knows it's me when I do that because he recognizes the rhythm. Besides, if I did ring that bell, he'd think it is Francesca from 2B testing the waters again and he'd run for the hills. Actually, he'd head for the balcony until she goes away.

It only took one unwanted lip lock for Jane to decide his course of action and he's stuck to it ever since. He's definitely a creature of habit about certain things. Unfortunately, so is Francesca. She tries to worm her way inside his place at least once or twice a month; but, Jane won't let her. It took him an hour and a half to evict her the first time around and he doesn't want a repeat performance.

I should know. I walked in on the whole thing. Well, the tail end of it. The part when Jane said I was his boss and we had a case so she had to go. Arms still wound around his neck, Francesca had protested until I'd subtly shifted my jacket to show my hand cuffs and gun. Blue eyes wide, the platinum haired woman had beaten a path out of there as fast as her four inch heels would carry her. Evidently she'd seen an implied threat in my gesture when I meant no such thing. I was simply preparing to remove my jacket and get more comfortable. Jane and I had a file to discuss.

That had been eight months ago. I haven't stepped foot in his place since though I know Francesca has. I overheard him telling the team of her latest escapade. I haven't been here for several reasons. One of them is that he spent six of those eight months in Vegas running his long con while I was here wondering if he was dead or alive. Actually, going out of mind worrying about him is more accurate. There's no telling the kind of trouble Jane will get into when he's totally off the leash. It didn't help that no one knew what he was up to.

Though I'm not sure Jane knows it, I used the spare emergency key he left at my place to keep an eye on the townhouse in his absence. I cleaned out his refrigerator and watered his plants once I realized he was really gone. That he wasn't coming back any time soon. I hadn't been sure what he was up to when he turned down my offer to drop by his place before he left the CBI that day. I'd just known it wasn't good. I wasn't wrong.

Truthfully, I'd have been back long before now except for Lorelei. We haven't quite worked through that debacle satisfactorily for either of us. Personal feelings aside, it's more than the grief Jane's little indiscretion has caused the case and everyone working it. It's the harpy herself. She's nasty and she puts everyone on edge including Jane. It's been hard to put our personal and professional relationships back together with her smack in the middle of them. My guys hate interviewing the woman, Jane wants to beat the truth out of her, and I long to shoot her every time she calls him "lover" in my presence. Speaking of shooting someone, I'm about to pull my gun and break a door in if circumstances don't change here quickly.

Reaching my hand out to give that door one last pounding, I'm not surprised when it swings open instead.

"Get some clothes on, Jane." Well, that towel around his waist and little else explains the delay.

"I was taking a shower, Lisbon." He rolls his eyes at me as he holds the door open a little wider.

"Get some clothes on, Jane." I roll my eyes right back at him as I breeze by leaving him to throw the deadbolt and hike his towel a little higher. Personally, I'm doing my best to keep my eyes averted. A mostly naked Jane is not what I want to see at the moment. It's certainly not good for my blood pressure.

"Make yourself at home, Lisbon. You know where everything is. I'll be back in a minute." Yes, I know where everything is.

Though no one really knows it, Jane and I have done quite a bit of hanging out over the years. It started out with him sleeping on my couch when he was too frazzled to be alone. As our friendship progressed over time, we began just hanging out. It beats being alone. Who knew Jane likes chick flicks? The ones that make me want to throw up but he can discuss ad nauseum with Van Pelt. Oh, and he squeals like a girl when the bombs go boom in the action movies.

"Hey, Jane, you still have that last movie we watched somewhere around here? The one that made you squeal when the ship blew up." I yell as I poke through the DVDs on the shelf.

"Lisbon, I thought we agreed never to talk about that." It's my turn to jump as I haven't heard him come down the stairs behind me. I should know he'd try to pay me back for that comment. Jane's sneaky that way and he looks really nice in slacks and rolled up shirt sleeves.

"Maybe we did. It's been a long time since that happened." I gently remind him.

"Yeah, it has. Seven months, three weeks, two days, and seven hours give or take twenty-two minutes and so many seconds." Jane says as he meanders into the kitchen.

"I do not want to know how you do that." I say as I follow him.

"I'm not going to tell you. Hungry, Lisbon?" Jane smirks as he pulls two glasses down from his cabinet and reaches for a bottle of wine. If I don't know better, I'd think that's a second bottle of that Beckworth stash worth millions. It so better not be what I think.

"I was saving it for a special occasion." Jane hands me a glass of wine. "I think your first visit since Lorelei qualifies."

"I'd say so." I agree as we clink glasses in that silly cliché. Who am I kidding? I can't beat him so I might as well join him. The bottle's open anyway. It isn't as though it's not already ruined.

"That is why you're here isn't it, Lisbon? Lorelei?" Jane asks as he takes a sip of wine.

"Indirectly. LaRoche was looking for you when you didn't come back to the office this afternoon after visiting the penitentiary. He wants to know if you got anything useful. I told him you'd have come back to the office if you had." I don't need to see that haunted look in Jane's eyes to know I'm right. "Oh, and Minelli wanted me to swing by and update you on our latest case. The one hitting my desk this afternoon while you were nowhere to be found." Taking a sip of my wine, I decide it isn't half bad. It definitely tastes better in a real wine glass than it had at the office in those plastic cups.

As for LaRoche, he's back at the CBI doing goodness only knew what and terrorizing people again. Well, everyone but my team. He seems to leave us pretty much alone in all the bad ways. Strangely enough, he and Jane appear to be getting along particularly well which is a creepy thought. It makes me wonder what my consultant has on him. Or what he has on Jane. Those two resemble a couple of sharks smiling at each other through the open waters every now and then. I really don't want to know.

Minelli is back in his old position sitting where Luther sat. That was totally unexpected. I think Jane had something to do with it. Both with getting him reconsidered for the job and with getting him to accept the offer. Mae might have had something to do with it too. I think Jane had something to do with those two getting together as well. I haven't quite gotten the full story out of Virgil; but I will.

"Hey, Lisbon, are you hungry?" Jane caught my attention as he took the file I'd just removed from my briefcase out of my hand.

"Are you cooking?" I straddled one of the bar stools.

"Not hardly; but, I've got leftover lasagna Francesca left on my front doorstep as a peace offering." I watched Jane pull a monster pan from his refrigerator.

"You'd actually eat something that woman left on your front doorstep?" I can't believe my ears. It may be poisoned. A woman scorned and all that.

"Yeah, Lisbon, I would. It's delicious. Oh, and Francesca has a new boyfriend, Pablo. He moved into 3G two weeks ago. He's quite the looker about ten years younger than her and his Daddy's rich. Franny's pretty happy with her new title from what I can see and she's quite a good cook." Jane said as he stuck the pan in the oven to heat.

"What title is that, Jane?" I'm not sure I really want to know.

"Cougar of the Complex." I can't resist throwing the abandoned oven mitt at him. That isn't even funny.

"Hey, I didn't coin it. Old Lady Hennessey in 4D did." Jane tosses the oven mitt back on the counter.

"You get around entirely too much, Jane." The man is an unrepentant flirt.

"No, Lisbon, I really don't. I go to work and come home exactly as I always have." Jane sits at the bar beside me.

"Except when you stop by the jail to try to verbally beat some truth out of Lorelei." I remind him.

"Yes, Lisbon, except when I do that." Jane agrees.

"What did you really come by to talk about and don't give me some garbage about Virgil and a new case. I saw that file before I left. We'll have the whole thing solved in three days tops. The stepdaughter's boyfriend did it." Jane says as he reaches out to twist a lock of my hair around his finger. He is sitting much too close; but, that isn't anything new. It's classic Jane.

"What do you think?" I ask as I sit perfectly still resisting the urge to yank my hair out of his grip.

"Lorelei and the trouble she's causing all of us." Jane doesn't pretend not to get it. "The good news is we've worked out whatever issues the prosecutors have with my actions in Vegas as we always do. The bad news is the team is still unhappy with me about the whole incident and hurting you. I know that Lisbon. I'll make it up to them. I'll make it up to you. It had to be done." I've heard that argument several times before and I'm not sure I agree with it. I know the team doesn't. Not completely. Not given how little we've gotten from Lorelei.

To be honest, Van Pelt is still disgusted, Rigsby thinks Jane just wanted to get laid, and Cho thinks he should have found another way. Me, I haven't exactly put it behind me either. I'm not sure any of us are right. I'm not sure Jane didn't do what he had to do; but, that doesn't mean I'm not still mad at him for letting me find out that way. Or that I don't feel hurt, betrayed, and angry. We can't keep avoiding the subject. We've got to talk it out some day. Our work is suffering for it and our friendship is all but gone. I miss Jane. I miss what we had. I miss those familiar stupid girlie screams at the most inappropriate moments. And I miss smacking the snot out of him when he tries to steal the last of my popcorn. He can darn well get his own.

"Put it on hold until after dinner, Lisbon. We'll talk then. I promise." Jane pats my hand before he rises to his feet to walk to the cabinet. Taking down a couple of plates and setting them on the countertop, he opens the oven and removes the lasagna. Getting a whiff of the succulent aroma, I decide Jane may be right. It certainly smells like Francesca is a marvelous cook.

"Yeah, Jane, I believe we will." Rising to my feet, I root through the refrigerator for the premade salad Jane always has on hand.

The man must have been a rabbit in another life. Setting the bowl and Ranch Dressing on the counter, I dish up a couple of servings of spring greens and colorful chopped vegetables adding croutons and freshly crumbled bacon. I silently carry the bowls to the table knowing Jane is following with the plates of lasagna. He's already brought our topped off glasses of wine over. With any luck we'll enjoy a pleasant meal and some gentle ribbing before we get down to more serious business.

Sliding into my chair, I wait expectantly for Jane to join me.


	2. Chapter 2

I've swept through this story yet again trying to catch grammatical errors and tense issues. I'm sure I haven't caught them all so please consider the remaining mistakes honest errors that were missed.~Calla

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Watching Jane loading the dishwasher, I cover the bowls and shove the leftover lasagna and salad into the refrigerator before grabbing my glass from the counter. Walking in the direction of the patio, the thought crosses my mind there was a time not that long ago when we'd have been standing side by side exchanging verbal jabs as we cleaned up together. Somehow, that doesn't feel right tonight so I make my cursory effort and leave my host to deal with the rest. Opening the door, I walk out on the patio to lean against the railing. Staring at the night sky, I notice the moon is full and the stars are bright. It's beautiful out here if it isn't in there.

"Here, Lisbon." I watch Jane top off my glass before setting the bottle aside. We've barely touched our wine, either of us, preferring to sip tea and water with dinner instead.

"Thanks. It's a beautiful place." It is and I like it.

"Yeah, Lisbon, it is. I enjoy living here. The neighbors are nice and no one really bothers me."

Neither of us says the 'except Franny' we are both thinking since she isn't a problem anymore. Jane doesn't mention the handful of others I know are hanging about who will gladly give her a run for her money if he gives them any encouragement. He isn't and he won't choosing to fall back on the usual meaningless flirtations instead.

"That's good." There isn't much else to say.

I don't flinch away as Jane's hands rest briefly on my shoulders before sliding down my back to wrap familiarly around my waist. Tucking my head beneath his chin, I ignore the feelings stirring in places they shouldn't at the feel and smell of him. They're not unexpected even under the trying circumstances. Jane doesn't normally hold me, or if he does, it's a more respectable very brief hug. Certainly nothing as intimate as this; but, I'll allow the strange familiarity for now.

Though we're far from okay, there's no point in denying either of us this simple pleasure. Or the comfort of human contact we've been missing these last few weeks. A comfort we've found in each other for a number of years. There's no harm in pretending nothing's changed for a moment or two. We both know it has. The conversation making or breaking us lingers in the air unspoken between us. I can ignore reality for a few moments if Jane can.

"You watch those interviews don't you? The ones I asked you not to." There is a note of betrayal in his voice I don't think he is entitled to.

"I don't have a choice, Jane. It's part of my job and you know that. I have to make sure we don't miss anything." I firmly remind him.

"Yeah, Lisbon, I do." Though he knows it can't be different, Jane clearly doesn't like the way it has to be.

"What does it matter anyway? I already know you slept with her." I remind him yet again.

"It matters because I never wanted you to hear my shame." I hear the self-disgust in his voice.

"While that may be true, you don't want me to know you have feelings for her even more." I cut to the chase. Jane has very tangible feelings when it comes to Lorelei. More than the loathing and revulsion he shows most of the time.

As much as it hurts to admit, there are things I can see if no one else does. There are times when Jane and Lorelei are more like wounded ex-lovers than hostile antagonists though I know they are no such thing. Maybe in the perverse theater of Lorelei's mind they are; but, not in the real world. Even Jane doesn't feel that way.

As much as it pains me to admit, those are the videos I find the most difficult to watch. However, I have a job to do so I persevere to the bitter end learning more about Jane than I ever want to know. The whole thing turns my stomach. Lorelei is, and always has been, the means to an end. As a result, Jane is hers to torment and I can't do anything to prevent it. The loopy witch isn't above using my relationship with him as a knife to twist every chance she gets. She does the same to me. Quite effectively.

"No, Lisbon, I don't but how could I not?" I stiffen at the admission I never expected to hear. "While I wish things were different, Lorelei is the first woman I've been intimate with since my wife died." And I know that means something to Jane…something more than sex.

As strange as it seems given his faults and his past, Jane is a loyal family man to the core not taking physical intimacies lightly. He's broken his personal code on many levels in taking Lorelei to his bed. But, he followed his years old mantra of anything to catch Red John. That being said, there are repercussions of the nature I already see. Jane has the luxury of being somewhat prepared for them. Me, not so much.

"What are you saying, Jane?" I know; but I want to hear him say it.

"What you already know and what's disturbing you so. There's an emotional connection between me and that woman because of that intimacy. While I don't like it, I can't deny it's there. Or that it makes it more difficult at times to be as cruel to Lorelei as I need to be. Even knowing who and what she is." Jane doesn't need to say the words.

I've seen that slight hesitancy manifest at times especially when the witch makes with the crocodile tears. To Jane's credit the show goes on. He does what has to be done very well; but, he pays a high emotional price. For the first time in a good while, I feel compassion for Jane's suffering. I hurt with him at the thought of what he is going through. That's something I haven't done since this started.

"Do you love her?" Jane snorts behind me.

"Don't be ridiculous, Lisbon. I don't even like her; but, as much as I'd like to tell you it didn't mean a thing, I can't. It did. Less than she seems to think; but, more than I want it to." Feeling me stiffen in his arms, Jane holds me a little tighter. "Lisbon, Lorelei's just a woman I had sex with. She'll never be the woman I make love to. There will always be a difference and that separates the two."

While I am clueless what that bit of ambiguity means, I don't resist as Jane turns me around in his arms. Wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my cheek against his chest, I close my eyes and let him hold me. I know the time has arrived for that conversation neither of us wants to have. It will be too easy to sweep everything under the rug and continue the pretense if we don't.

Again, I don't resist when Jane tips my chin and kisses me in a way that's anything but a comforting peck between damaged friends. I wonder briefly if he kissed Lorelei like this before banishing the thought. Not a chance. This kiss is filled with years of longing, and dare I say it, a deep abiding love. I can't help myself as I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. I'm sure he's reading similar emotions in the touch of my lips and the whisper of my tongue against his. This might be our first and last kiss and we're both determined to make it good. To convey without a word all the feelings and desires we've ignored from the start.

Feeling Jane pull away before things get out of hand as the nature of that kiss is rapidly becoming more than either of us means it to be, I rest my hands against chest. Leave it to Jane to narrowly avert disaster before the train leaves the track. I have to appreciate his self control on the one hand and curse it on the other. However, he's right. Giving into primitive desires won't fix anything. It will probably finish destroying what we're trying to save.

"I'm sorry, Lisbon, but kissing you is something I've wanted to do for years. Risking a healthy punch is better than never getting the chance." Jane confesses as I blink at him slightly dazed. "What do you say we get this over with? We've put it off long enough don't you think?" A harder edge is creeping into his voice as I'm sure will happen with mine. We're both steeling ourselves for the unpleasantness to come.

"I don't think we have a choice." I grab both of our glasses and lead the way inside knowing Jane is following at my heels.

Setting our glasses on the coffee table, I fold myself onto one end of the massive couch adjusting the decorative pillow at my back as my companion drapes half on the other end sprawling in typical Jane fashion. Thankfully, I changed into comfortable jeans and a tee shirt before I came over. Having abandoned my sandals long ago, I stare at my blood red toe nails adorned with their tiny faux diamond chips and elegant gilded squiggles.

Yeah, I have girlie moments so shoot me. Actually Van Pelt guilted me into getting a pedi with her yesterday when the testosterone was swirling between the boys and we were having a 'Men!' moment. Looking at my crimson nails I decide I like them and for once I don't care about the nasty memories I might be causing Jane. It's just nail polish and he can get over it.

Wrapping my arms around my calves, I rest my chin on my knees. It's not the most feminine position, but I feel less vulnerable to the man sprawling rather inelegantly for Patrick Jane across from me. This moment lacks the almost comfortable ambiance existing earlier between us. The atmosphere is tense and emotionally charged instead. It's going to get a lot more stressed before the night is over.

Leaning my head against the side of the couch and closing my eyes, I'm not prepared for Jane's voice to rent the silence. I need a little longer to gather my thoughts.

"Why do you really watch those tapes, Lisbon?" I'm not expecting that question and Jane knows it.

I bite my tongue to keep from blurting a truth he has no business knowing. Yes, I have to because it's part of my job; but, a sick part of me wants to. I want to know what really happened between Jane and that woman. I want to know all of his lies and his secrets. I want to understand why he did it and how he honestly could. Even though I feel like I'm having my guts pulled out with a hook in doing so.

"Why do you think? I have to, Jane. You might miss something we can use and I can't risk that. Emotions run pretty high in there. Your mind can't be all that clear." I know mine wouldn't be. It never is when I visit Lorelei.

Looking at Jane, I struggle to keep my tone neutral and professional when I feel anything but. That conversation out there on the patio was the calm before the storm. We didn't want anyone overhearing anything all that damning though that kiss was about as damning as we can get. I'm not concerned about it. None of Jane's neighbors work for the CBI. Red John is another matter; but, I'll worry about him another day. As for the conversation out there, neither of us was ready to get down and dirty. We were still pretending. Now, it seems we are.

Now, we both know it's time to yank the scabs from the wounds leaving them raw and bleeding in ways neither of us truly wants to feel.

"Is that the only reason?" Jane has the audacity to ask.

He's right as usual; but, I don't have to gratify him with the response he wants. We won't discuss what watching those videos does to me. That's for me to know and a certain golden haired mentalist to never discover. There's a reason there's a full arsenal of cosmetics hidden in my bottom desk drawer beneath all those files and it's not because I expect to go on a blind date any time soon.

"I certainly don't have a prurient interest in your sex life, Jane." I shoot him a look saying he can get that thought out of his head.

"I don't have a sex life, Lisbon. As we've already discussed and I'll tell you again, it was a long con. I was trolling for Red John tools and I caught one." Jane's voice is reasonable though that gleam in his eyes isn't.

"Keep telling yourself that, Jane. I've watched every one of those videos over and over again." And wish to Heaven I didn't.

"It was a necessary part of the trap." He rejoins.

"Keep telling me that and I might start believing it." No way.

From the sound of things, Jane enjoyed the experience way too much. Or, far more likely, he enjoyed his first time with a woman in forever as any man would. I brutally shush the rational voice in my head. The woman in me is much too devastated by Jane's betrayal to heed the voice of reason.

It doesn't help that Lorelei incites the confession from Jane that he was imagining me when he was doing her. Or that her response is that was exactly what she intended in that condescending tone making me want to punch her lights out. Neither of those things are anything I want everyone where we work hearing. I don't think Jane does either. He never meant to admit such a thing in the first place. Lorelei has that affect on his self control at times. She decimates it. As for me, I wish he'd keep such confessions to himself. They cause me no end of grief both professionally and personally every time.

LaRoche gives me these strange looks I think pass for sympathy with him but I find really weird instead. As for Minelli, well, Virgil's look says he knows I return Jane's feelings and, liking Jane aside, he can't believe I let myself be that foolish. He clearly thinks I'm doomed to hell for my stupidity. Who needs hell when you already live in purgatory? We won't even mention what's being said around that water cooler or in the break room or at the restaurant on the roof. Trust me, none of it is good. Most of it revolves around years of hot monkey sex and late night encounters on sticky leather couches. So not going to happen. Ever.

As embarrassing as it is to admit, I lost my lunch the first time I watched that video. I don't think I left that stall for twenty minutes. To make matters worse, Van Pelt followed me into the ladies room and found me worshipping the porcelain god. Not my finest hour at the CBI or as her SAC. I think that's part of the reason my team feels so hostile towards Jane at the moment. And part of the reason I'm not sure they'll ever get totally over it. I wish Grace had kept her mouth shut. I won't say I haven't puked since; but, that'll remain our dirty little secret. SAC's at the CBI do not lose their lunch over anything.

"You might as well because it's true. I wouldn't have done what I did if there had been any other way." I'm not so sure about that and I know Jane isn't.

The truth is far simpler. Jane hadn't had contact with any of us in over six months…me or his "family." He was totally isolated as only he can be. While that might have worked for him once, it doesn't any more. I spent a lot of time and effort in not allowing him to pull away over the years. We wouldn't have gotten so close if I hadn't. And, whether he wants to admit it or not, while he might be Jane, he's only human. And humans are weak. Humans coming back to life sexually after a decade of deprivation are even weaker.

While Jane might be able to fool most people, I see the truth. I've known for a while that feelings and parts long dormant were beginning to stir again. I noticed it strongest with Erica Flynn (I'm not going to think about our old friend Kristina since I'm not sure exactly what that was) and I've noticed it since. I even suspected it was only a matter of time before Jane acted, guilt be damned, whether he meant to or not. I just hoped the circumstances and his partner would be different.

As it is, Jane was a very lonely man, Lorelei an attractive woman, and she'd proffered the forbidden fruit. I believe he would have taken the offer had it not been part of the con. I think he would have enjoyed the moment. I think he would have wallowed in an abyss of guilt ever after just as he has. I also don't think any of us would have ever discovered his indiscretion. He'd have certainly enacted that old cliché of what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. If by some fluke we learned the truth, I don't believe it would have bothered me nearly as much if she'd been just another woman. I'd have eventually gotten over it as Jane had my little fling.

But she isn't.

She is Lorelei and that is an entirely different story.

"Right, Jane, as I've already said, keep telling yourself that." I finally look away. We've been staring defiantly into each other's eyes much too long. I'm starting to get a headache I'm not in the mood to have.

"Lisbon, I'm not going to argue with you. Just ask what you want to know." Jane's voice is tired and resigned.

"Did you know Lorelei was a Red John plant before she told you?" I've never been sure about that one. I know what I think; but, I want to hear the words from Jane's lips.

"What do you want to hear, Lisbon? What a part of you hopes I'll say or the truth you suspect you already know? Think carefully before you answer. There's no going back once the words are spoken." Jane sits up a little straighter.

"What do you think?" I lift my chin off my knees looking him squarely in the eyes.

"Then the truth it is." He's definitely sitting nearly upright now with that classic air of Jane defiance I've gotten so familiar with over the years.

"Shoot, Jane. It's not going to get any easier the longer we wait." I brace my chin on my knees once again.

"For the most part, yeah, I knew as I've already said earlier. Was I sure beyond a shadow of a doubt before she admitted it? No, I wasn't. No one could be and for the first few hours I didn't want her to be."

Though what I already know, hearing the words put that way is far more painful than I anticipate. Enough so I can't stop the agonized gasp as I close my eyes against raw emotions I do not want to feel. Feeling Jane's hand take mine, I don't resist as he sprawls back on the couch drawing me up his body with him.

"If we're going to have this conversation, we're going to have it right." I don't fight as Jane tucks me against his side with my cheek against his shoulder.

I try to ignore the way my leg splays over his thighs and the way his arm encircles my waist with his palm against my hip. Far too intimate, the strangeness of the moment doesn't really surprise me given the intensity of the emotions between us.

"You have no idea how hard it was to completely lose myself in him again, Lisbon." He'd not been sure in the beginning he could pull it off. He'd not been sure he wouldn't totally lose the man he is now. "To become that man who'd gotten them killed." Jane whispers against my hair. Without looking, I know he has his eyes closed against the memories.

I honestly don't and I can't imagine it. I don't doubt there were times he thought he'd lose his mind. That those moments were very painful, and yet knowing Jane as I do, I'd say there were others he found exhilarating, too. I've seen that deadly charmer in action and he's a sight to behold. Personal feelings aside, I'm under no illusions about Patrick Jane. While you might be able to remove the man from the con, you can't remove the con from the man. Jane's only saving grace is, for the most part, he's working for the good guys now.

"No, Jane, I don't; but, I think I can imagine." I rest my hand over his heart not all that surprised it's racing.

"Perhaps you can." He rubs my hip absently.

"How could you do it, Jane?" That is the question truly bothering me. "How could you sleep with Lorelei knowing she's an extension of the man killing your family?"

"How do you think? It wasn't easy; but, it wasn't as hard as it should have been either." Jane admits.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I know exactly what it means.

"I can tell you what you want me to say or I can tell you the truth. Which do you want to hear, Lisbon?" He asks already knowing the answer.

"What do you think?" I wish I could say differently.

"The ugly truth as you're still a terrible liar." As strange as it seems, Jane laughs a little.

"Yeah, Jane, I want the truth. If I didn't we wouldn't be having this conversation now. I'd have accepted the half-truths and evasions you've been feeding everyone else for two months and pretending we're okay." I admit.

"The truth, Lisbon, is though my back was to the wall and I had to put up or blow the deal, I might have still salvaged everything without doing the deed. It was a risk I wasn't willing to take. Or that's what I told myself.

The more complicated truth is I was lonely and I missed you terribly as I've already said. I couldn't risk contacting you for a lot of reasons. I missed the rest of the guys. All of that goes without saying. I was in quite a state when she found me." It costs Jane a lot to admit that. "You know, Lisbon, when I was set free, I thought it was you who'd paid my bail. I was somewhat surprised when it wasn't." His thumb makes circles against my skin.

"I probably would have if I'd known." I darn well would have and I know it. Jane doesn't like jail and I won't leave him in there if I can help it.

"You quit looking for me." There is a note of disbelief in his voice.

"Yeah, Jane, I did after those first few months when I couldn't find you. It hurt too much. I figured you'd contact me when you were ready. If you never did, I'd know we were done." It's Jane's turn to feel a little of what I've felt all those months.

"We'll never be done, Teresa." Closing my eyes, I ignore the jolt at his words.

"Whatever, Jane." I'm not about to say that I certainly hope so or that I'm not so sure about that. Both are legitimate feelings I frequently have. "Get on with it." Get on with the things I don't want to hear.

"Then I will. As much as I wish differently, Lorelei is an attractive woman and she reminded me enough of you in transient ways that it wasn't that hard to pretend for a night." Again, that is not what I want to hear.

"And it cemented your in with Red John." I point out.

"There is that as well." He confirms.

"As for the other, I'd rather you not say things like that, Jane." I see by the look in his eyes that Jane knows exactly what I'm talking about. I don't like being compared to Lorelei.

"Why not? It's time to stop pussy footing around the truth. We've both always known if I made it out of this alive and free, we'd be together. I'd make the offer and you wouldn't turn me down. We wouldn't be having this conversation if that wasn't true." Maybe Jane has always known. The same can't be said for me.

"Don't bet on it, Jane." He let that remark pass as I knew he would.

"I most certainly will. We both know you'd have cut me out of your life cold a long time ago if things were different. We'd simply work together and nothing more. Lisbon, just ask the other question you want answered." He isn't arguing with me.

"What question is that?" Once he tells me then we'll both know.

"You want to know what it was like." I resist the urge to punch him for being right.

"I don't have to ask. You just did it for me." I'm glad he did.

"Then I'll give you the answer you want. Lorelei tried to be everything I imagine you would be the first time: sensitive, intuitive, and giving. Not so much loving as I think that emotion is beyond her abilities. Truthfully, neither of us was particularly interested in playing by the rules so none of the tenderness I imagine would be between you and I was there." As crazy as it sounds, I find a certain comfort in his statements because that's exactly how I would want it to be between us, tender and loving, and I think Jane would, too, at least the first time. After that, all bets are off. "While I can't deny the experience was enjoyable on a visceral level, Lorelei isn't you. Nor was she all that good at playing you. Not nearly as good as she seems to think.

With hindsight, I'd have rather waited for the real thing if that makes you feel any better." Jane admits.

"So you're saying you wouldn't do it again?" Try to lie your way out this one, buster.

"Lisbon, I'm not saying that at all. I'm a man even if we've both chosen to ignore the fact for a very long time. It goes without saying even bad sex is good and being with Lorelei wasn't bad by any means. Disgusting, yes; but, it wasn't bad. So, were she just a woman I met in a bar I'd have to say I probably would even given the guilt and remorse you know I'm feeling. Given who she is, no, Lisbon, I wouldn't.

That doesn't mean there isn't a pull there because of the intimacy. It doesn't mean I don't remember certain moments with fondness or that a tiny part of me doesn't wish things were different. That I was just a man with a woman as other people are. That doesn't mean I don't despise myself for letting her have that much of a hold on any part of me even if it is my libido and nothing that really matters.

"Lisbon, as much as it pains me to remind you, we both know the first woman I slept with after all of this would have to mean something whether I want her to or not. I wouldn't have chosen for this to happen if I'd had a real choice. This wasn't how I expected the con to play out.

You have to know as well that I always thought it would be you. I wanted it to be you. But, when that opportunity presented itself, I couldn't let it go." Jane isn't sugar coating anything. A part of me is glad; but, I think the greater part would like it if he did.

"You have to get Red John at any cost." I state the truth that is undeniable.

"Yeah, Lisbon, I do. You've always known that." He's never pretended differently.

"And I hate that. I might hate you." I say childishly; but, it's how I feel.

"No, you don't. You don't hate me at all, Lisbon, and you wouldn't stop me if I carried you upstairs and had my wicked way which we both know I'm not going to do though you'd let me." I won't dignify his arrogance with a response. "The truth is while we're not okay; we're well on our way. We both have things to think through, come to terms with, and lay to rest.

In the meantime, you've let me know how deeply my actions have hurt you and I've satisfied your curiosities by admitting all of the vulgar things you already know. I don't think we need to discuss it any further as I think we understand each other as we always do." His tone indicates the discussion is mostly over.

Jane is right. This is probably as deep as we're going to get. We're good at reading between the lines. We have been for a long time. Yeah, there's still a lot of crap to muddle through; but, I do think we'll be okay in time. We've gone through the motions in typical Lisbon/Jane style without the high drama one might expect.

We're not like that. For the most part, we don't yell. Raise our voices once in a while, yeah. Throw things, I've been known to on occasion. But yell, no. Our nuances and tone say it all. Jane knows exactly what I say at times without me ever saying the words. It's when we say too much that we get in trouble. Like that "Love you…" crap he never explained and I never expect him to.

"What I haven't said, Lisbon, is I am truly sorry for the pain I've caused you and I wish there had been a different way. I'm sorry for the pain my actions are still causing you. I'll do my best to lessen it and I can assure you this will never happen again.

I think I've come to realize even catching Red John isn't worth the risk of losing you." I'm not reading anything into that one. No flipping way. Not touching it with a ten foot pole. No. No. No.

"That's nice to know, Jane. I'm not sure you could." I silently curse in my head. I didn't mean to let that slip. Not in a million years. Obviously, I'm too bloody comfortable lounging here breathing Jane scent if I let my brain hit the snooze button that badly.

"Oh, I could lose you, Lisbon, and I almost did. Never think I don't know that. You're an honorable woman and I'm still far from an honorable man. I think that's what prevented you from totally washing your hands of me. There's a large part of you still trying to save me from myself." There's that teasing tone in his voice that's been missing for much too long.

"Whatever you say, Jane, whatever you say." I decided I was a masochist not long after Jane signed on with my team and my opinion hasn't changed.

"What I say is I think we're going to be all right though I still have work to do with the team. I think Van Pelt does hate my gut and the guys are just biding their time until they can drag me into the back alley." He doesn't know how right he is.

"You may be right about that. I think this will go a long way in smoothing things over." Eyes closed, I decide everyone should have a Jane pillow; but, I'm not sharing mine.

"That's nice to know, Lisbon. I certainly won't make the offer to Jaegerschmidt now that I know you feel that way." Crap. I didn't mean to say to say that aloud either. "Oh, and it's nice to know that about the team as well."

"Actually, Jane, I'm not so sure about the guys. Van Pelt has spent a lot of time at the shooting range lately and Cho mentioned something about a dead man. I think Rigsby's just hanging out to see who gets you first and to deal with what's left over after." I cock an eye open just in time to catch the evil grin on his face. "Do not do anything to exasperate the situation, Jane. I think they'll come around in time." I certainly hope so. The way things are at the moment is wearing on my last nerve.

"Would I do that, Lisbon?" Keeping my eyes tightly shut, I decide I do not want to see the mischief in his eyes.

"Yeah, Jane, you would." I mumble before opening my eyes as I feel him playing with my fingers in that absent way always indicating Jane has something deep on his mind.

"I might at that. You know me too well, Lisbon. As I think you know, in spite of Lorelei, we'll end up together. Perhaps not anytime soon; but, we will in the end. I promise you." I ignore the familiar way he's twisting my hair around his fingers.

"I don't know that, Jane." And I don't.

"Then let me tell you. Now that things have changed, I can't look at you the same way. It isn't possible." There's some note in his voice I've never heard before.

"What are you saying?" I resist the urge to push myself up to look in his eyes. I'm not brave enough to face that unknown.

"What do you think I'm saying?" Jane asks.

"I don't know." And I'm not sure I truly want to know.

I hear Virgil's voice in my head yelling, 'Run, Lisbon, run. Run like hell and never look back. This isn't a place you want to go.' Unfortunately, I've never been that good at obeying anyone when it comes to Jane. Not when I know it is somewhere I want to go. Maybe more than anything. Yeah, I know I'm vacillating. I can't help myself. We're talking about Jane.

"I can't see just Lisbon my boss and my friend anymore. I see Lisbon the woman as well and I find her very appealing in so many different ways I'm not going to elaborate on at the moment. What I'll say instead is, when the time is right, come home with me, Lisbon." Jane's tone is dangerously persuasive and his meaning very clear to me. "I'm saying I meant those words exactly as you think; but, I'm not ready to go there. Maybe about the time you're ready to come home with me, we might both be. We'll have to see."

"I don't know if that's a line I'm ready to cross or if I'll ever be." I honestly don't, even given how I've felt about Lorelei and my fear of losing Jane. There's a big difference between lustful fantasies and bedding Patrick Jane. The latter is far more dangerous. A girl runs the risk of far more than a broken heart if things don't work out. She might lose her soul.

"I don't expect an answer now, Lisbon." Jane rubs my back soothingly knowing he's agitated me with his admissions. "You'll know when the time is right." His tone hints that it's a foregone conclusion as I decide I'm not the only one given to fantasies. "Close your eyes. I'll wake you in plenty of time to go home and change in the morning. I give you my word." And I'll accept it.

Closing my eyes I decide my willingness to comply with his wishes is a clear signal everything will be all right. I wish I was different. More resolute where Jane is concerned; but, I'm not. He's always been able to talk into his way back into my good graces. I don't expect that to change.

Perhaps it would be different if I wasn't head over ass in love with the man or if my jealousy and fear of Lorelei hadn't force me to face that truth. Not that the admission changes anything. It simply gives me a name for the power Jane has always had over me. Perhaps I have the tenuous control I have over him for a similar reason. He's intimated such a thing might be true if I choose to believe him.

Drifting into to sleep, I decide only time will tell and that's something we both seem to have plenty of at the moment Red John aside.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Lisbon, we need to get going." I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder and wonder how Jane removed his body from beneath me without disturbing my sleep. I'll ask him some time, but not now. I'll probably remember rousing and going back to sleep later when I'm truly awake. Glancing at my watch, Jane has kept his word about waking me in plenty of time to go back to my place. Sitting up, I absently run my hand through my hair wishing I had a cup of coffee and knowing since I'm at Jane's no such thing will be forthcoming.

"Here." Surprised, I accept the cup and breathe deeply of the heavenly aroma I've somehow missed.

Taking a sip, I'm grateful Jane knows me so well. Nothing starts my day off better than a perfect cup of coffee. After all these years, Jane knows exactly how I like it as I know how he likes his tea.

"Thanks." Speaking of tea, I glance up noting the ever present cup in his hands.

"We okay?" His question isn't unexpected in the light of day.

"Yeah, Jane, we're okay." I can hardly spend the night on my Jane pillow and say anything differently.

There's still a lot to work out between us, especially with Lorelei's machinations; but, we're okay…For now. One night spent sleeping in Jane's arms doesn't wash all the pain away for either of us. However, I can't hold his idiocy against him forever. Not when he's never denied his willingness to pay any price to get Red John even sleeping with a "loopy bitch" to borrow Jane's idiom for Sally Carter. That's a term working equally well for the dark haired harpy haunting my nightmares. The one flip flopping between sweet as molasses vulnerability one minute and mean as a rabid badger the next. I don't know how Jane manages to keep all the personalities apart; but, he does.

Shaking my head against the unpleasant thoughts flooding my mind I amend the "any price" to the "almost any price" I hope and believe it is. I don't think Jane's willing to go to jail again or to die if he can help it and he can help a lot. Jane has proven that time and time again. I like to think I've had a lot to do with his change of heart. I hope the possibilities ripening between us will stay some of his reckless impetuousness as the game unfolds. A part of me thinks it will while the greater part knows not to hold my breath lest I turn blue. If there's one thing never changing about the universe it's that Jane will always be Jane.

Pushing off the couch, I rise to my feet and walk into the kitchen. Intent on washing my cup, I notice the expensive coffeemaker that wasn't there last night instead. It had to be stored in a cabinet or the pantry somewhere because I know Jane can't possibly have sneaked out without waking me.

"How long you had that, Jane?" I ask as I pour myself another cup of coffee adding a judicious amount of cream and sugar.

"It came with the place." Jane admits bursting my bubble of self importance.

"That's nice." I cringe at the note of disappointment in my voice.

"Would it make you feel better if I said the only reason I didn't chunk it was because I knew you'd end up here eventually?" I can tell he's laughing at my childish reaction.

"Yeah, I think maybe it would." I agree.

"Then consider it said. Since you're the only person I've entertained since moving in, it makes perfect sense I would keep such a useless appliance in hopes of a Lisbon visit." Jane's tone is light and teasing as he takes the cup from my hand and takes a sip. "Honestly, Woman, I don't know how you drink such a vile beverage." He hands my cup back to me.

"I guess that means you don't want a kiss tasting of that vile beverage." I can't resist teasing Jane as I set my cup aside and take a step closer to him deciding he's entirely too irresistible for my sanity.

"I think I can make an exception this time." Jane reaches for me and I let him.

"Good save." Wrapping my arms around his neck, I wait expectantly for the kiss I know is coming.

Feeling the lightest whisper of tongue against tongue, I close my eyes and savor the moment. It's a kiss that's sweet and accepting, not hot and heavy with a lingering passion neither of us is ready to handle. It's been a long time since I've started a morning so pleasantly. I have a feeling Jane feels the same as he is obviously reluctant to release me as we both know he must. He kisses me again for good measure and I let him.

"Jane, do you mind if I use your shower. I'm really not in the mood to drive half way across town this morning." I disentangle my arms from around his neck and rest my palms against his chest.

"What do you think? I'll get your bag while you finish your coffee." Jane finally releases me as I nod my acquiescence. My keys are on the foyer table by my purse in plain sight so I don't need to do anything but watch him leave and return.

"Hey, Lisbon, what do you say to me joining you?" As though I don't see that one coming.

"Bite me." I give my canned response.

Just because Jane indicates the change of direction he'd like our relationship to take doesn't mean it's going to any time soon, if at all. We both need to accept that.

"I'd like to; but, I suspect it would get me shot." He says as he opens the door.

"You suspect right." I lean against the counter watching Jane pull the door closed behind him. The man is too much on a good day.

Turning to the sink, I wash my cup before drying and putting it away. About the time I meander back towards the couch, Jane returns with my bag. Taking it from him, I hesitate not sure of my next step. Removing the bag from my grasp once again, Jane takes my hand and leads me upstairs to what I know immediately is his room. The furniture is heavy, masculine, and tasteful. I'm not at all surprised by the Robin's Egg blue duvet covering the bed.

"Use my shower, it's larger. The iron is in there if you need it." Jane tips his head in the direction of what I suspect is a walk in closet.

"I won't take too long." I promise.

"Take as long as you need, Lisbon. There's plenty of time for both of us to get ready. If it comes down to it, I'll use the guest shower." Jane kisses my forehead before dropping my bag on his bed and walking out of the room.

Turning the knobs on the shower to what should be an acceptable temperature, I strip out of my pants and top tossing them aside to cram in my suitcase later. Glancing at my watch as I remove it, I decide there's time to shampoo my hair. Grabbing my toiletries, I pad into the bathroom and open the sliding glass panel to step in the shower. Sitting my mini bottles of goo by Jane's body wash and shampoo, I resist the urge to use them instead. It wouldn't do to show up at work smelling like Jane.

However, that doesn't mean I can't take a whiff exactly as I'm doing. Recapping the body wash, I set it back on the ledge as I adjust the water temperature and step under the spray. Squeezing shampoo into my hand, I lather my hair ruminating on the events of the past few hours. I don't know what I hoped to accomplish in confronting Jane; I honestly never thought that far. I simply felt it should be done.

I do know I want him to know how betrayed I feel, felt, feel, by his actions. Just because I understand what drives him doesn't mean I'm immune to my emotions. Emotions he and Lorelei and their sick non-relationship have put through the ringer the last few weeks. But, I'm strangely pleased by what is happening as I'm getting both more, and less, than I expect. He actually seems to get it and that's saying a lot for Jane. He tends to have tunnel vision where Red John is concerned.

Shaving my legs, I let my thoughts wander over marginally more pleasant topics. Like the fact I actually enjoyed dinner last night. Given the easy conversation between us, I almost forgot we were on the outs. It felt like old times. The conversations after didn't. I really don't want to go over those. I cried a bit and I think Jane did, too, though neither of us will openly admit it. My gut still clinches at the thought of Lorelei and that .45 size hole in my heart hasn't closed a bit. I want it to. I do; but, realistically, I doubt it ever will. I can ignore it as I ignore so many things concerning Jane and that's as good as it's going to get. At least for now.

Turning the shower off and reaching through the crack in the door for a towel, I decide it'll do in a crunch. Drying off and wrapping the Egyptian cotton around me, I step from the shower damp hair dripping. It doesn't take me long to twist the sopping mess in a second towel as I make my way into the bedroom to fetch the hair dryer I manage to forget. Somehow, I'm so not remotely shocked to find Jane lounging indolently on his bed.

"Trying to sneak a peek?" Giving him a peevish look I grab the hair dryer from my bag.

"Yeah, Lisbon, I was." Somehow, I'm not shocked at his ready admission either.

"You're out of luck." I say as I amble back into the bathroom hoping my rear end is adequately covered and somehow doubting it from the smile I can almost hear on Jane's face. "If you're still out here when I get through, I'm going to hurt you. You hear me, Jane?" I say as I lock the bathroom door behind me and plug in the small appliance in my hand.

"Yeah, Lisbon, I hear you." I'm pleased to hear scrabbling in the other room before the door closes softly behind him.

I'm not one hundred percent sure it's not a Jane trick and that he's really gone; but if I walk in the room next door to find him lounging on that duvet staring at me in my underwear I will hurt him and hurt him bad. Somehow, I think Jane has a stronger sense of self preservation than that. He'd be dead a long time ago if he didn't.

Drying my hair, I allow my thoughts to flow over more imminent problems awaiting me at the office than Jane. Like how to get my team to come around now that we've made a tentative truce between us. Van Pelt still wants to shoot Jane. Rigsby wants to smear what's left of him into a greasy spot, and Cho, well; I don't really want to know what Cho wants to do with Jane. One thing I do know is he's a mean little scudder when provoked and Jane's undeniably provoked him by his actions. Since I'm not sure what do; I'll figure it out later as I always do.

Smearing foundation over my face, I apply a hint of eyeshadow, liner, and blush before tipping my lashes with mascara. I'll do my lips later on the way to work. Somehow I suspect Jane's going to steal another kiss or two before we're done. Sliding into my bra and panties, I pad into the bedroom praying under my breath that Jane isn't in here. I'm pleasantly surprised as I slip a turquoise shell over my head that will relieve the severity of the black slacks and jacket completing my outfit. Fastening my pants and slipping my belt through the loops, I attach my badge and gun where they belong before shrugging into my jacket. Stuffing my dirty clothes in the inner compartment followed by my cosmetics bag, I step into my shoes and hoist my case on my shoulder after zipping it. Taking one last glance at myself in the closet mirror, I decide I'm passable and head for the stairs.

"Hey, Lisbon, you have time for another cup of coffee if you'd like." Jane offers from where he's sitting at the bar munching on a spicy pumpkin muffin from a box that wasn't there earlier.

"I think I will." I say as I drop my bag and reach for a muffin. I'm not surprised when Jane hands me yet another perfectly prepared cup. He must have heard me coming down the stairs.

"I know you will." Jane gives me that little smack on the lips I was expecting. It's actually kind of nice. I give him one back for the road though I'd rather give him a suck face kiss curling his eyelashes as well as other things though I'll do no such thing. We have to get to work. "Figured out how you're going to stop the team from killing me yet?" Jane asks as he plops the last nibble in his mouth and swipes imaginary muffin crumbs from his fingers. He has to know that's a major thought on my mind. The team isn't going to be happy I've forgiven him so easily. Nothing could be farther from the truth as it hasn't been easy at all.

"Nope, I might let them pound you instead." I say as I drain my cup and plop it in the dishwasher beside Jane's as I should have done earlier.

"Oh, come on, Lisbon. You don't want to do that. I don't like pain." Jane grabs his jacket as he takes my case from my hand.

"Yeah, Jane, I think I do. It'll make them feel better. It might make me feel better, too. I'll let you know what I decide when we get to the CBI. Now, it's time to go." I say as I open the door and grab my purse.

"Come on, Lisbon, you can't mean that. You know I don't like pain." Jane whines in my ear as he follows me.

"Shush, Jane. I'm sure they won't hurt you too badly." I say as I unlock my SUV and take my bag from Jane. Shoving it in the back seat, I lock my seat belt in place.

"I'm not so sure about Cho." Jane doesn't miss a thing.

"Neither am I. We'll have to see what happens. You've got twenty minutes, Jane, or I'm siccing the guys on you when you get there." I promise.

"Fine, be that way." Jane says as he closes my door and heads for his car.

The grin on his face as he walks away clearly conveys he knows I won't let the team hurt him. I'll figure out a way to smooth their ruffled feathers as I always do. I cuss under my breath at the thought he's always right and that's just not fair.


	4. Chapter 4

"Jane, go change your shirt. Now. I don't want to look at that all day." I demand as he follows me into my office knowing I really don't want him here.

Not with that bloody hole in his shirt. He has another one around here somewhere and it's in his best interest to find it soon. Resisting the urge to sweep the files from my desk in angry frustration, I plop down in my chair instead. Jane is driving me to distraction today.

"Lisbon, it's just a graze." One that doesn't even seem to hurt that much from the way Jane's acting.

If I remember correctly, Jane was more concerned with getting blood on his vest than how badly he was hurt. Me, I felt differently and I still do. It was all I could do not to fuss inappropriately and show more than a colleague's interest in his injuries which won't do at all. Jane scared the hell out of me. It's not that he's never pulled stunts like this before; but, it's worse this time. We're, honestly I'm not sure what we are; but we're _more_ and I'm finding it hard to forgive Jane at the moment because of this.

"Yeah, a graze leaving powder burns and stitches. You're probably still in shock." I watch Jane shake his head in the negative and want to smack him stupider than he's already being.

Granted, it is only half a dozen stitches; but, a bullet across the bicep is too close for comfort in my opinion. It's close enough I nearly squealed like a girl as it was happening and that is something SAC don't do. Ever. We do not squeal…even if we are girls.

"You're not?" I fix him with a glare. "Fine, then maybe I am. The doctor told you to rest. I suggest you change your shirt and do just that. I'll send Cho to check on you every few minutes to make sure you're still breathing. If you're not, I'm sure he can give you CPR." Not that I think he will. I'm not sure I will for that matter.

Cho's pretty miffed with Jane right now, too. So are Rigsby and Van Pelt. I click my tongue in disgust. Just when my team is starting to fully accept him back into the fold he pulls a stunt like this. I want to kick him in the knee caps. I've worked so hard the last few weeks to convince my guys he's worth a second chance. Actually, probably the thousand and second chance; but, who's counting?

I suddenly realize my voice is more than a few decibels louder than I mean it to be. LaRoche and Minelli can probably hear me in their offices which both happen to be too close for personal comfort. Not to mention the bull pen and anyone else hanging out to hear what they aren't supposed to hear. Jane and I have been water cooler fodder since long before Lorelei.

I have to admit her presence is livening up the chatter a bit. All the hot monkey sex we've been having for nearly a decade is getting rather monotonous. I wish I could recall even one sweaty encounter. That might make putting up with all the years of aggravation worth the trouble. At the moment I'm definitely not feeling the love as I'm sure Jane isn't.

"Lisbon, I'm perfectly fine." Jane tries again.

I am so not forgiving him anytime soon so he's wasting his breath. I have work to do. My team has work to do and that doesn't include him. Jane needs to go take a pain pill and leave me alone all ready. We'll both be a whole lot happier when he does.

"Well, as I've said, I'm not and I'd like you to leave. I have work to do and you're not invited." I say as I lift my stapler threateningly as though testing the heft.

"Lisbon, really, striking an injured man when he's down is beneath you." Jane reads my intent clearly though it's been quite a while since any missiles have flown through the air in his direction.

"Jane, if you don't get out of here, I'm going to do more than smack you with a stapler. I might shoot you myself and I won't miss." I threaten.

"Be that way." I can tell by his tone that Jane isn't pleased with my reaction.

He's planned to charm his way back into my good graces with that silver tongue as he usually does. That's not going to happen this time as Jane has crossed that invisible line too far for pretty meaningless words to wipe it away. I'm going to be p.o.'d for a while.

I can tell Jane is hurt by my refusal to make light of what's happened; but, I'm not playing his game in this instance. It hasn't been that long, just a couple of hours, since he came much too close to getting himself killed being ridiculously reckless and I'm still shaken if he isn't.

Jane should never have pushed Anders as far as he did and we both know it. It wasn't necessary. We'd have gotten him without it. Nothing would do Jane but performing one more trick to show the local yokels how superior he is and it almost got him a pine box for his trouble. Anders got it instead. Thank God Cho's a crack shot or he would have.

"Jane, just go." I firmly say as I walk past him to my door to summon the rest of my team.

"Fine. I'll be in the attic if you need me." He hesitates a moment before turning on his heel.

I resist the urge to laugh as Jane storms off, royally put out by my actions, in the general direction of the attic to pout as I disappear into my office with the rest of the team.

#

Looking out that dingy little window in my office at the dark night, I hear my door open and close softly behind me. I turn as I already know who it is. Only one person has the audacity to saunter into my locked office uninvited late on a Tuesday night. Even Red John wouldn't be that daring. Not after the day I've had. I'd shoot first and ask questions later. On second thought, maybe it should happen that way. It would save me, and my team, a whole lot of trouble and I know Jane really wouldn't mind that much.

I'm also not all that surprised to feel arms encircle my waist or a cheek nuzzling mine. In the three weeks since that fateful talk, we've gotten close again. I'd say as close as we were before if not closer. There's a certain truth in what doesn't kill us making us stronger. I like to think if Lorelei can't do us in, nothing will.

"Hey, Jane, I thought you'd be home by now." I rest my hands over his smiling as his fingers lace through mine. As off the cuff as the man can be, he is predictable in the meaningful little things.

"No, you didn't. You were hiding out in here waiting for me to leave." If I don't know better, I'd think he just kissed my hair.

He's been doing weird stuff like that a lot lately when no one's looking and he thinks I won't notice. As touchy feely as we've gotten the last couple of years with the hand holding, I find hair smooching over the top though Jane obviously doesn't. I won't allow myself to wonder if this is something he once did with Angela. A part of me likes to think it is. I'm not in competition with his ex-wife or her memories, so I find nothing wrong with sharing gestures of affection with the love of his life. I'm rather flattered to be held in such high regard if it's true.

I know as well that he doesn't kiss Lorelei's hair. Kiss her lips, yeah, I've seen him do that once or twice when she asked and wanted to puke. I suspect Jane did, too, though I don't really know. We won't go there. Those two play so many twisted mind games that I've learned to ignore them. It's hard sometimes; but, a girl has to do what a girl has to do. My sanity is important to me and those two are enough to drive anyone insane. Some days I feel like shaking Lorelei and telling her, "Just break already. Nobody wins against Jane." Why waste the effort telling her something she already knows; but, refuses to believe?

The thought crosses my mind perhaps Jane is acting this way because of that argument we had a few hours ago. The one the whole CBI probably knows about by now. The ones who didn't actually hear it had to have heard the whispers hours ago. I'm still not sure I completely forgive Jane for his actions.

"Maybe I was. It's been a tough day, Jane, really tough. We lost a kid and we're no closer to solving the case now than we were this morning. Added to that, you almost got killed." Yeah, from the churning in my gut, I'm still pretty mad about that.

"But I didn't." Eyes roll at the statement I've heard ten thousand times over the years.

"No, you didn't." I agree like that's saying something.

"And we'll work on the case tomorrow as we always do. We'll solve it, too. When have I ever let you down?" Lots of times; but, again, we won't go there.

"Not that often." That's reasonably true when it comes to cases.

"And I won't." Jane's tone says he already has a mark in mind.

Whether said mark is our killer or just the means to getting to the killer I don't have a clue and lover boy here isn't going to tell me. As always, I'll know for sure about the time he has the culprit tagged, bagged, and ready to go. Or maybe I'll get lucky enough to be in on the hunt and capture. Those are the fun cases. The ones when I get to play sidekick to the psycho psychic instead of team leader. We won't discuss what certain parts of my anatomy are doing until the case is over when that happens. I learned a long time ago to simply go with the flow and pray I still have a job when it's over. It's been so far so good though we've all had a number of close shaves over the years.

"I don't think you will." I honestly don't.

"Come home with me, Lisbon." I do a mental double take not sure I heard what I think.

"What did you say?" My voice is filled with the surprise I'm feeling.

"You heard me, Lisbon." Maybe, I'm not sure. "We've waited long enough." I hear that.

"Say it again." I've never heard quite that tone come out of my mouth.

"Come home with me, Lisbon." Jane doesn't pretend not to know what I mean.

"Yes, Jane, I think I will." It's not like I haven't given the idea a lot of thought over the years either.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" His tone is inoffensively mocking as only Jane can be.

"Yeah, Jane, it was, and I have a feeling it'll get harder before it gets easier. I might even regret my stupidity before we're done." I throw out there for consideration.

"I think you might be right about the first part, Lisbon; but, not the last. As for the rest of it, our being together is hardly stupid. Perhaps the timing is a little premature; but, I'm tired of waiting." Only Jane could think a decade premature.

Or maybe he's referring to Red John. I'm not going there because who knows how that's going to play out in the end. We might catch him or we might not. He might hang over our heads forever. We'll know the answer when we do. In the interim, I'm done with letting a nut job serial killer have the power where our personal lives are concerned.

"I'm tired of waiting, too." Deliberately ignoring the middle part as there is no way intimately tangling with Jane isn't stupid in every possible way, I'm doing this anyway.

"Then what do you say we blow this joint?" I haven't had a more attractive offer all day.

"Sounds like a plan." I turn in Jane's arms giving him a peck before slipping away to grab my jacket and purse.

I'm not giving him an opportunity to turn this into anything more. No way. Jane's been eyeing my couch a little too familiarly lately and we are so not doing that in my office or anywhere else at the CBI. He could probably convince me, too; if he got that chance he's not getting. So, nope, it's not going to happen even if Jane's perverse enough to consider it as I know he is.

Some kinky puppy part of him would probably get off on the idea of having sex right under LaRoche's nose without getting caught. Uncomfortably sticky leather aside, I am so not going there. I don't even want to think about Minelli. It's going to feel too much like getting caught in flagrante delicto by my Dad anyway when this situation finally breaks. I can hear the lecture now. Virgil is not going to be pleased; but, I think he'll get over it. He really likes Jane, and when everything's said and done, I don't think he'll have a problem with Lisbon and Jane on a personal level. He might think I've lost my mind; but, I'm sure he's been expecting this for a number of years now. He's always seen the sparks between us.

I don't say anything as I walk out the door with Jane behind me. As much as I'd like to hold his hand, we can't. Neither of us knows who's hanging out working late. There are a lot of high profile cases going on at the moment. The brass is everywhere not to mention the gossip mongers. I settle for letting him take my briefcase instead which isn't rare. Jane walking me to my car is a pretty common occurrence as well. He's even been known to carry my purse on occasion when my hands are filled with other things.

I will, however, be exiting in my usual direction and circling back a few streets over. We live in opposing directions and it won't take much to start the gossip mill running at warp speed. My following Jane in the direction of his home will be just enough if the wrong person sees us. They'll jump to the worse possible conclusion before they consider serendipity. Or that our interactions are perfectly innocent. In this instance they'll be exactly right and that won't do at all.

I smirk at Jane as I slide into my seat. He has no idea what he's in for. He got his tender reintroduction to his sexuality with Lorelei. Somehow, I think he's up to handling a few years of pent of lust from my department now. The rapacious smile on his face says I might not be able to say the same. I wonder briefly what I've gotten myself into before dismissing the annoying thought. Giving Jane a quick kiss on the lips I hastily shut my door in his face. Not at all affected by my rudeness, the laughter drifting over Jane's shoulder is more than a little unsettling.

#

Arriving at Jane's place nearly an hour ago, we're acting more like two awkward teens than two seasoned adults. On the one hand I don't know what I expect; but, it isn't this. One the other, I find a certain charm in our clumsiness. I think Jane does, too. We know each other fairly well except in the carnal sense we've secretly anticipated for much too long. Perhaps that's the rub. We're on the threshold of fulfilling the fantasy and neither of us wants to take that first step into the unknown. I don't believe either of us fears the future or destroying what we already have. We exorcised those fears a while ago. I'd say it's that we want too much. Not the physicality so much as the intimacy and all that entails and we're both overwhelmed.

Looking at the untouched wine in my hand, I set it aside in disgust. We've talked, eaten, and talked some more. While the time spent together is pleasant enough in itself, that isn't what either of us came here for. Abandoning my glass, I head for the patio knowing Jane will follow. Maybe a change of environment will move things along. Though fully capable of initiating intimacy, this is Jane's seduction and I'm going to let him do it.

Leaning against the banister, I watch some nocturnal ball of fur I can't readily identify in the moonless night amble across the yard as I listen to Jane shifting behind me. I'm not all that surprised to feel his arms slide around my waist pulling me back in a silent hug holding a world of promise. Hands at my shoulders, it's surreal feeling my jacket sliding off my arms and knowing it's Jane undressing me.

His 'Come home with me, Lisbon' plays over and over in my head. I can't claim ignorance of what he was asking or of what I was agreeing to when I said, 'yes' not so long ago. I'd be lying through my teeth. How we managed to make it through the CBI building without doing anything betraying what we're about is beyond me. That we've done nothing since is equally beyond me.

"Lisbon." As crazy as it sounds, I think I'll laugh like a lunatic if he calls me 'Teresa' at any point tonight. He's no 'Patrick' either. It's Lisbon and Jane as it's always been and I suspect it will always be.

"Yeah, Jane?" I ask.

"I'm glad you came." I hear him drape my jacket over a chair.

"You knew I would." He had to know.

"No, I didn't. Not given everything that's passed between us." I'm genuinely surprised by the honesty in his voice.

"Well, I did, and you should have known I would because of everything that's passed between us." Surely he can't think differently. Then again, he's Jane so maybe he can.

"Yeah, you did, and I should have." That sounds more like the cocky Jane I know.

"Jane, shush. You knew I would come or you wouldn't have asked." I call him on his foolishness.

"I hoped you would, Lisbon. I hoped you would." Jane corrects me.

Turning in his arms to face him, I resist the urge to make like a squirrel on a telephone pole at the look in his eyes. Climbing Jane will only end with both of us sprawled on the hard stone patio with nasty scrapes and burns. Somehow, that doesn't sound particularly appealing. Not when there are more pleasant ways we can do it.

Reaching out to unbutton Jane's vest, my movements are calm and methodical. As much as my hormones wish differently, this is a moment to anticipate. It's taken us nearly a decade and more scars than I want to recount to get here. Sweeping that vest away, I notice my hands are shaking as I unbutton Jane's shirt seeking the skin and muscle beneath. Running my palms sensuously across his chest, I'm not all that surprised he returns the favor. Strangely enough, I'm not all that concerned either that we're standing on Jane's patio in an unacceptable state of undress. It's late enough and dark enough no one is going to see us. I'll worry about the consequences later if they do.

At the moment, all I really care about is that look in Jane's eyes as his lips descend to mine.

#

Feeling Jane snuggling closer and snuffling against my shoulder in his sleep, I smile recalling the wicked things we've done. With hindsight, I decide maybe I need to view the whole Lorelei debacle differently. Maybe I should send her a thank you note instead of wanting to punch her in the face. Yeah, I mean what I say. I'm not a hair pulling girly girl kind of woman. I grew up with three brothers. It doesn't matter they were younger than me. I learned how to throw a righteous punch when I had to. I still can. Whatever my nemesis did that night freed Jane to be with me. To give his all, heart and soul, and Jane's got a lot of heart and soul. Boy, does he ever. I've got the aches and pains to prove it and I'm not complaining. Not one bit.

Absently rubbing circles on the arm so tightly gripping me, I admit I love this man. We aren't Rigsby and Van Pelt. We're not so faint of heart. I'll admit I'd expected more of them; but, that's water under the bridge. We're different, Jane and I. We'll fight for what's between us and we'll weather the storm when the crap hits the fan. We'll weather a certain demon spawned serial killer, too. We'll weather the darkness and the memories as we always have. I know we will. We've no other choice now that forbidden step's been taken. A step neither of us regrets I'm sure.

"Lisbon, you're thinking entirely too much." I hear a sleepy voice beneath my cheek.

"I didn't mean to wake you." My hand rises unconsciously to smooth his hair.

I wonder why it took me years to get around to running my fingers through the curls I love so well. No, I don't. I didn't want to open that illicit door and accept the repercussions accompanying such intimacies.

"You didn't. This is my normal time." Glancing at the clock, it's early…far earlier than either of us needs to be awake to get to work on time. If Jane awakens this early every morning, he still doesn't get much sleep.

"Close your eyes, Jane. You can still catch another hour or two. I'm sure you'll need it before the day is done and I want you in top form. We've got a killer to catch." I remind him as I absently run my hand over his back.

"Lisbon, we promised to leave work at the office. You're already breaking the rules." Jane is exactly right and I don't care.

"Do you really expect that rule to last?" I ask.

"What do you think? My partner's a cop." He flashes that familiar cheeky grin.

"Is that what I am, Jane? Your partner?" That word has so many connotations I don't know what he means.

"What do you think? I could have said lover; but, that's so trite. People change lovers like underwear with about as much thought. We aren't that way at all. A partner is so much more, and we're definitely more, Lisbon, don't you think?" Jane conveys so much without saying a thing. I refuse to allow myself to read too closely between the lines. Our relationship will become more absolute as we go along. The lines and nuances more clearly defined like the boldest strokes of a painting.

"Yeah, Jane, I'd say we're more." His eyes are mesmerizing.

It's funny how I've never noticed that before. Then again, I've made a point of not staring into Jane's eyes too closely over the years for a lot of reasons. Mainly because I don't want him reading what's in mine.

"So would I." He quirks a brow at me as though asking if I really doubt it.

"No, Jane, I don't doubt it all." I answer the unspoken question between us proving how well I know my man.

"Good, then I can think of much better things to do than sleep, Lisbon." That crooked smile is devastating.

"So can I." My grin is equally salacious as I roll over on top of him succumbing to the lure of Jane. Or perhaps Jane succumbs to the lure of Lisbon. Who really cares? It's the wicked slipping and sliding of skin on skin we do so well that really matters.

Giggling against his neck, my last coherent thought is I'm having a psychic moment and I'm predicting, since my money's on Jane, everything's going to be okay.

Finis


End file.
